


Cheers and Shadows

by Seajellybaby



Series: The LA Series [10]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22636351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seajellybaby/pseuds/Seajellybaby
Summary: true to the original show as possible.  I hope you enjoy it.As these stories are part of a series I have rated them all as mature - Just to be safeSlightly edited Sept2020
Relationships: Noah Mayer/Luke Snyder
Series: The LA Series [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601257
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

The first night without Luke was the hardest. As the nightmares rocked him once more, Noah found himself encased in blackness; in a dead quiet that tore at his stomach, chocking him in fear. Noah was realizing just how much of a help it was having Luke by his side to gently coax him awake. Missing Luke’s comfort, he was forced to crawl up in a quivering ball with a pillow hugged to his chest. It seemed to take hours for his body rhythms to return to normal.

Of course he now had a major problem on his hands. He wasn’t getting enough sleep. He overslept and arrived late to work on more than one occasion. Melanie kept asking him whether he was feeling okay, noticing the black circles under his eyes. He hated it. He definitely didn’t want his movie to suffer just because he couldn’t get his damn head screwed on right.

The worst thing was not understanding the dreams. It was fairly obvious they were causing him a large level of distress, yet when he woke up he could remember nothing of them. He would go over and over the events at the cabin, weighing up how the thoughts affected him; but he was starting to wonder whether the two things were even related at all. And if they weren’t, then what the hell was his problem?

***

Text Luke: I was just thinking about you, again... How’s your day going?

Text Noah: Not too good, but it would be a lot better if I could see your beautiful smile :-)

Text Luke: Well why don’t you think of something to say to put a smile on my face then?

Text Noah: I bet you can guess what’s on my mind right now?

Text Luke: Okay… yep… that did it :-) Actually I was just talking about you…

Text Noah: Stop talking about me to your friends ;-)

Text Luke: You know me so well...

Text Noah: Miss me yet? Apartment is empty without you…

Text Luke: From the moment you got on the plane. Oakdale is empty without you…

Text Noah: Had an _awesome_ Thanksgiving with you! I owe you an Eskimo kiss…

Text Luke: I really had a good time too. Even if you are a little dorky ;)

Text Noah: Almost felt like old times…

Text Luke: Yes it did…

Text Noah: Oooh look… sunshine! Time for me to grab a towel and head to the beach. Too bad you are all the way over there and can’t join me...

Text Luke: Brat! Love you bubby!

Text Noah: Miss you too… speak soon.

Text Luke: Bye xxx

***

_His head was spinning; he couldn’t focus! After once being blind, not being able to focus was simply petrifying. He was also out of control!. If there was one thing he hated more than anything else, it was being out of control!_

_Not being able to make his own decisions…_

_Not being in charge of his own choices..._

_The way his father made him feel his whole life._

_He also felt sick. So sick! And for some reason, no matter how hard he fought, he couldn’t move. It was like he was held down… cemented... as a dark shadow came closer... and closer…_

“STOOOOPPPPPPP!” The scream left a burning sensation in his throat. Or had he been screaming for a while? He wasn’t sure, but the blood pounded in his head as he sat bolt upright in the bed.

But…

But he remembered.

Okay, not everything… but he remembered some of this dream. Granted it still made absolutely no sense, but it was a start, right?

***

“Hello?” The sleepy voice on the other end of the line sounded very far away.

“Luke?”

“Hey, baby…”

“I’m sorry… I know I’m waking you up but…”

“Everything okay?”

“Um… Yeah… Yeah… I just really wanted to hear your voice…”

_Shit!_

Noah could hear the fear in his own voice.

“Noah? Another nightmare?”

Noah wanted to cry, “Yes. Yes, help me, please!” but instead he said, “Just a little one. Nothing to worry about... I miss you so much, Luke.”

“I miss you too. Um, Noah?”

“Yeah?”

“You would tell me if there was something wrong, right?”

The concern in Luke’s voice caused a small crack in Noah's heart, and he wondered if Luke heard it. “Yes.”

“Just two more days and I can pick you up from the airport…“ Luke said, obviously not fooled.

“I can’t wait...”

“Me neither…” They lay listening to each other’s breathing for a while and then Luke asked, “Feeling better?”

“Yes. You go back to sleep.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Sweet dreams.”

***

He hid with his back pressed up against the trunk of a tree. What were they thinking anyway? They could never out smart an army brat, schooled from the cradle in this kind of game. Carefully he snuck a peak around the side of the tree. Sure enough, he spotted them; their backs too him. They crouched behind a bank of snow, presumably waiting for him to walk past, right into their trap. He smiled. Congratulated himself on his cunning.

_Got ya!_

Quickly and light of foot, he zapped across the clearing to hide behind the next row of trees. His supply of ammo was neatly stowed in the pocket he’d created by pulling up the front of his jacket like a cradle. He had carefully prepared the tight white beauties just moments before.

As he crept softly up behind them, watching his footing to ensure he didn’t step on any twigs, he heard Luke whisper to Ethan, “We’ve got him this time for sure! He won’t know what hit him!”

“Yeah!” Ethan agreed, his little body shaking with excitement.

“Oh you think so do you?” Noah asked, looming over them.

They both jumped screaming with good-humored fright; took off down the hill with Noah right on their heels, mercilessly pelting them both with snowballs.

Luke was fast, but he stumbled slightly, allowing Noah the time he needed to grab the hood of his jacket; whipping him around so fast that they both fell and rolled, laughing together down the snow covered hillside. Breathing heavy from the exertion, they came to an abrupt stop; Luke flat on his back with Noah above him. They stared at each other for a while, drinking in the euphoria of being back in each other’s arms.

“I missed you so much,” Luke’s eyes shone brightly.

“Same here.”

Noah removed Luke’s right glove as well as his own so that he could interlace their fingers, wanting to feel him, needing to increase the connection. Still laughing, Noah rubbed their noses together; went in for a kiss. But before their lips could meet, he was swiftly knocked over on his side as Ethan barreled into him, screaming and giggling with joy.

“Later…” Luke mouthed to Noah, their fingers still touching, feeling hot compared to the snow underneath them.

Sitting up on his elbows, Luke said “Hey champ? What do you say we head back inside for some breakfast? Grandma promised pancakes!”

“Cool!” Ethan hopped up with expectation, holding out his hands so that the men could take one each. They crunched their way back to the farmhouse through that morning’s freshly fallen snow.

“The snow makes everything seem so quiet…” Noah mused.

“I know, don’t you just love it?”

As they rounded the bend toward the house, they were abruptly bombarded with an onslaught of snowballs; through their arms up to protect their faces.

Faith and Natalie appeared over a snow bank shouting, “Girls rule!” before giggling and running off towards the house, the boys in hot pursuit.

“Get them!” Ethan yelled.

***

While Luke took Ethan upstairs to change into dry clothes, Noah wandered into the parlor to find Lily riffling through a box.

“Hi Lily, do you need help with anything?”

She smiled up at him as he entered, “No thanks, sweetie. I was just getting the ornaments ready for later."

“Oh yes,” Noah replied, remembering the Snyder tradition of hanging individual ornaments to represent each member of the family.

She reached into the box; pulled out a miniature movie slate; held it up for Noah to see. A fond smile crossed her lips. He felt his heart stop. The last Christmas he'd spent with the Snyder’s he'd been blind, and Luke had helped him hang his special ornament on the tree. He remembered how Luke described the ornament to him, but in his wildest imagination it hadn’t been as beautiful as the one now dangling from Lily’s fingers; blue glitter sparkling as it caught the light. He could still remember the jolt he felt as Luke held his hand… that unbelievable chemistry as strong as ever. At the time, it was just too much for him to handle and, as he had done over and over during those dark and dreadful days, he’d pushed the feelings away instead of embracing them.

Lily stretched out; handed the ornament to him. He studied it intently as she said, “He hung it up for you last year…”

Noah looked up at her as he held his breath.

“He wouldn’t have admitted it at the time," she continued, "but I think he really wished you were here. He really missed you. We all did.”

Noah couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

“Hey…” she stood up; took hold of his arms, “there’s no reason to be sad anymore. The two of you only have reason to be happy…”

He nodded. “I still can’t believe how close I can to losing him. It just… It still hurts that I hurt him…”

“We all know that you would never deliberately hurt Luke. You were dealing with an unimaginable crisis, and as much as we wanted to, none of us could have understood what the situation meant for you. Not really.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re here now and that’s all that counts. And this year you get to hang your own ornament!”

He smiled as she hugged him.

“Merry Christmas, Noah.”

“Merry Christmas.”

***

He was climbing the kitchen stairs when he bumped into Luke on his way back down. “I was just coming to find you…”

“Oh yes?” Luke’s tone could only be described as silky. It sent flickers straight to Noah’s groin. The blonde leaned back against the wall, lifted his right arm high and, as Noah gazed upward, jiggled the mistletoe hanging from his fingers. Like magnets their bodies immediately squeezed together within the cramped walls of the tiny dark stairwell. As was always the case when he was within close proximity to Luke, Noah’s heart rate instantly began to sky rocket…

Luke looped his arms around Noah’s waist. Noah’s right hand pressed into the wall, his arm brushing Luke’s head as he lifted his left hand to cup Luke’s face, running his thumb up and down his cheek. 

“You owe me a kiss, Mayor…” Luke uttered, fire in his eyes. He leaned toward Noah expectantly.

Noah held his mouth mid-kiss, inches from Luke’s lips, magnifying the anticipation, savoring it. Luke’s breath shuddered as the sexual tension began to build. Eventually the wait became too much, resulting in Luke’s attempt to steal the kiss.

But Noah had other ideas. He promptly pulled his head back so that Luke just missed him; kissed the air instead. Luke’s expression was one of surprise. He smiled seductively. Before Noah could blink his eyes, Luke had him flipped, his legs hooked, and his arms pinned either side of his head. The edge of a stone step dug into Noah's lower back, but he hardly noticed.

Noah lifted an eyebrow. “What ya gonna do now?”

Claiming what was his, Luke began to nibble Noah’s bottom lip, slowly making his way up, demanding entrance to his mouth; pushing, licking; sucking his way in; groaning with satisfaction when, at last, he felt Noah’s smooth tongue wrap around his own. Luke released his grip on Noah’s arms; relaxed into him.

It didn’t take long for Noah’s hands to enter under Luke’s shirt… His fingers slid beneath the belt of Luke's jeans. As he touched skin, his entire body shivered with want.

Desperately he mumbled, “Um, Luke?”

“Mmm?” Luke was in the process of taking small bites out of his ear.

“You know…ahrg… you know I want you, right?”

“Mmm…” Luke’s hands were fumbling with Noah’s belt buckle, as their thighs rubbed together.

“But I really think… ah…ah… that’s just… wow! Um… Luke?”

“Mmm?”

“We _really_ need to move this off the stairs, you know?”

Luke looked up at Noah; passion-fueled eyes taking a moment to clear. He nodded. “Right! Shit! The kids! Right!”

Kissing and touching the whole way, they found their bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind them.

***

When Noah returned from his shower, Luke had already made his way downstairs. He had been recruited by Emma to help with Christmas dinner now that she knew what a super chef he was. Noah smiled at that. It was heart warming to think that Luke had found something he could share with his grandmother. As he arrived downstairs, most of the other Snyder’s had already arrived; the kitchen bustling with good cheer and activity. Everyone was gathered around the central island, competing for who could talk the loudest. Noah felt automatically wrapped in the gentle tenderness of family and friends, excitedly sharing a heartfelt Christmas. The air was aromatic and spicy, rich in cinnamon and toasted almonds. Everyone was loud and animated as he did the round of hellos, hugs and kisses. His heart swelled at how much he loved these moments, moments only dreamed of as a child.

He walked over to Luke just as his boyfriend pulled a roasted ham out of the oven; reached over to pick off a burnt bit only to receive a harsh rap on the knuckles. Noah gave him a sheepish smile, until Luke relented; cut a small piece of ham from the joint before feeding it into Noah’s eager mouth.

“Mmmm,” Noah hummed appreciatively, wrapping his arms around Luke’s lower back.

“Good?”

“Amazing! Want to taste?” Noah leaned in to give Luke a honey-laced kiss on his smiling lips.

“Come on guys! Get a room!” Joked Uncle Jack, as he squeezed past them to get a beer from the fridge. “Beer anyone?” He yelled out to nobody in particular.

“Over here!” Dusty caught the can as Jack hurled it across the room.

“Hey,” chastised Emma, “Behave! There will be no throwing of beverages in my house.”

Jack gave her a cheeky grin; walked over to see what Holden was up to.

Noah drank in Luke’s loving gaze; savored every second. He still couldn’t believe it was possible to be this happy. Everything seemed so perfect… so right...

***

Although it was the nightmare that initially scared the hell out of him, the fear from that was now slowly fading. What he was left with, as he crouched shivering and sobbing in the corner, staring at Luke’s sleeping form from across the room, was worse! Much, much worse! It was a kind of terror… of dread…

Try as he might, he just couldn't shake the truth… the terrible knowledge…that he had backed into the corner to get away from _him_.


	2. Cheers and Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The LA Series is my attempt to continue the Luke and Noah story from the finale onward. I have tried to keep as true to the original show as possible. I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> As these stories are part of a series I have rated them all as mature - Just to be safe

When Luke woke up the following morning, Noah was gone. Luke had been looking forward to cuddling the morning away, so was disappointed as he rose to take a shower.

Moments later, he searched for Noah in the kitchen; found it empty. He was just about to try the parlor when he spotted the top of Noah’s head through the kitchen window. He was sitting in the conservatory, a far away look in his eyes. Noah didn’t even seem to notice Luke as he took a seat next to him… the brunette just kept staring out toward the pond.

“Noah?” Luke said in a singsong voice, using his index finger to push a curl back from Noah’s forehead.

Noah jumped slightly, startling Luke. A strange expression passed quickly over Noah's features, before being replaced by a half-hearted smile.

“You okay? Luke tried. "I missed you this morning… Why are you up so early?” He reached out to put an arm around Noah’s shoulders.

Immediately Noah stood up. He looked around as though lost; seemed unsure of what he should be doing. Grabbing his coat from the stool beside him, he said, “Yes. I’m fine. I’m just going to go for a walk, okay?”

“Okay,” Luke said confused, not enjoying his sudden inability to read him. “I’ll come with you…” Luke made a move to get up.

“No!” Noah answered too quickly. There was an awkward silence. “I mean… sorry… would you mind if I went on my own? I just need a moment, okay?”

All this time Noah hadn’t once looked at him.

“Okay…” Luke drew the world out; replied uncertainly; suddenly sure that things were anything but. He sat back down, his insides slowing tying themselves into tight knots as he watched Noah walk off toward the barn. Luke knew this feeling… oh yes… he knew this feeling all to well...

During the course of the morning, Luke couldn’t count the number of times he walked to the door, waiting to see Noah’s form returning up the hill. The rest of the Snyder’s started to rise, Emma cooked breakfast, games were being played, and still… no sign of Noah.

“I’m sure he’s fine, son.” Holden said placing a hand on Luke’s back. “It can be a little overwhelming you know? All this lot...”

“Dad, you have no idea how much I hope that’s all it is. This morning he seemed so...” Luke signed heavily.

Holden patted a hand on Luke’s back, before returning indoors.

***

It was lunchtime before Noah finally returned to the house, taking his coat off; placing it neatly over a chair as though nothing were wrong. Luke had just put his boots on to go and look for him. “Noah, I’ve been worried sick! Where have you been?”

“Sorry… I guess I lost track of time.”

“You lost track of time?” Luke asked exasperated. “You’ve been gone all morning!”

“Sorry, Luke… I didn’t mean to worry you, okay?”

Luke didn’t want the rest of the day to be ruined; made the decision to let it go. They only had a few precious days together before Noah returned to LA. He didn’t want them to spend the time arguing. “Okay. I was worried, that’s all. It’s fine. Actually, I was just headed into the parlor, do you want to come?”

Another strange glance, almost like a frown, crossed Noah’s features. He looked around with something like panic, before saying, “I promised Natalie I’d help her paint, so…”

“Okay! _That's it_!”

Various Snyder’s raised their heads at the level of Luke's voice. He didn’t care. He grabbed Noah by his wrist; dragged him coat-less out the door and through the snow, heading down the hill where they could talk in private.

“Luke! Luke!” When they finally halted by the side of the barn Noah yelled, “What are you doing? It’s freezing!” He shook his arm free from Luke’s grasp. “I’m going back inside!”

Noah turned to leave.

“Noah, _stop_! Please! Think about what you’re doing!”

***

The Noah that loved Luke from the bottom of his being… that needed him… that burned for him… _that_ Noah couldn’t help but stop when he heard the anguished tone of Luke’s voice, but as he slowly turned, it was the old Noah that couldn’t look up. His eyes were fixed to the frozen ground; his breathing suddenly very shallow.

“What is it?" Luke asked, tears rising up in his eyes. “Why can’t you look at me? Why are you running?”

Noah tried to stop himself… he didn’t want to cause Luke pain. He knew how Luke would take it, but he took an involuntary step backwards.

“Dammit, Noah," Luke gritted his teeth, "don’t you dare do this to me again! You hear me? Don’t you fucking dare!”

It was silent as Noah froze. Luke rarely swore at him that way.

***

Luke tried not to let the old feelings from their past overwhelm him, but he could sense them banging at the door, demanding admittance. The old Luke would have let them in. But he wasn’t that same person anymore and there was no way in hell he and Noah were going down this path again. Not if he had any say in it! Somehow he would get through to him. He wouldn’t stop trying until he did. “Please, bubby…”

“I can’t…” still the jagged breaths on the edge of crying; the deep frustration.

“Why?” Another pause until Luke couldn’t contain it anymore and he yelled, “ _Why_?”

“ _Because I'm scared_!” Noah shouted the words, making Luke jump. For the first time Noah looked up at him, and Luke could see the desperation in his watery blue depths. “Okay? I’m scared!”

“Of what?” More agonizing waiting. “ _What,_ Noah? Help me out here...”

“I felt like I had to get away…”

“From me?”

“ _I don't know_!” Then more quietly, as he slowly broke down... shaking his head. “I don’t know… I’m sorry… I’m not doing this to hurt you… I don’t want to lose you…but… please…”

Noah stretched his arms out to Luke who could do nothing but walk into them; hold the man he loved close; heart sinking more and more. His mind was running through a million different thoughts at once, but mostly he was thinking, “It’s happening again! I'm losing him again!”

***

Moments later they found themselves sitting side-by-side in the barn on a bale of hay; their backs up against the wall. The only sounds come from the horses as they neighed and stomped around the stalls. Luke thought briefly that he should feel cold, but actually all he felt was numb.

“So what now?” Noah asked, interlacing fingers… releasing… interlacing fingers…

Luke placed his hand over Noah’s to stop the nervous fiddling; tried not to show his hurt as Noah flinched slightly. “Now you talk to me," he insisted. "I know it’s hard for you, but if you don’t…” He sadly shook his head not even capable of voicing it.

For a dreadful minute Luke thought Noah was going revert to form and refuse. He almost died with relief when Noah said, “Okay, anything... I’ll do anything… just…”

Luke sighed deeply; leaned his head sideways so that it rested against Noah’s.

“Luke,” Noah’s voice was breaking, “can you just…? Just hold on, okay? Please? I am trying.”

“I know,” he squeezed Noah’s hand. He waited a few minutes to allow them both time to calm, then he said, “Okay. So, is it the dreams?”

Heads still together, he felt as Noah nodded.

“Do you remember anything? Or are they still a blank?”

“At first there was nothing, but now…”

“What is it?” He kept a firm hold of Noah’s hand, and when Noah didn’t answer he said, “Noah?” He placed his fingers under Noah’s chin; brought his head round, “Stop trying to protect me. Talk to me. As long as you stay here with me, we’ll be okay… We can face anything.”

Noah nodded again.

“Okay, so what do you see in your dream?”

“I can’t say. It’s more the way I feel in the dream; the sensation that somebody’s there…”

“Your Dad?”

Noah shook his head. “That’s just it. I don’t think it’s related.”

“What do you mean?

“Luke, I don’t think these dreams have anything to do with my father. At least, not anymore…”

“Well what _do_ you think then?”

“The thing is… I don’t think I want to know why I’m having the dreams. I just want them to go away. I just want to be happy with you.” And then suddenly with frustration, “Dammit! Why do these things keep happening? Why can we never just be happy?”

***

Now that he was staring right at him, Noah saw for the first time the true level of anxiety on Luke’s face. His heart throbbed as he realized what his behavior that day must have meant for him. “Shit! I’m _so_ sorry! I’m here okay? I’m staying right here! I promise! I won’t shut you out…”

That seemed to make Luke feel a million times better. His Noah was back. And even if Noah's words were sad and ominous _they_ would be okay. They would face this problem together and that was the most important thing…

“I love you so much Luke. And this… _us_ … it means more to me than anything. I won’t risk that again, okay?”

“Okay.”

Noah held Luke's shoulders; stared deeply into his brown eyes, searching for any signs of doubt as he asked, “You believe me, right?”

“Yes.”

Knowing Luke meant it, Noah felt a heavy load fall from his shoulders.

_God!_

He had almost run away with himself! He had almost risked everything. He pressed a fierce and urgent kiss of pure and desperate passion on Luke’s mouth, his arms frantically grabbing around the other man; holding him tightly; reclaiming him. His fingers found the pulse beat in Luke’s throat; hammering like his own; making him dizzy. Drinking in the warm feeling of comfort, his hands went back to Luke’s shoulders. He held him slightly away; Luke looking up into his face.

“I want you, Luke,” he said, sounding choked. He paused a moment, unsure what to say next. “I want you so much, I can hardly breathe... Will…” he swallowed then cleared his throat, “Will you…”

But the answer was already in Luke’s eyes as they radiated the same need Noah felt deep within himself. Standing up Luke pulled him quickly into the first empty stall they could find, banging the wooden gate closed; pinning him back against it.

“I think…” Luke began, as he fumbled loose the buckle of Noah’s belt, looking up at him; pausing for an instant. He spoke with difficulty, controlling something so powerful that his hands shook with the effort. “I’ll not… I can’t… Noah, I can’t be gentle.”

Noah only had time to nod, before their jeans were around their ankles and Luke was piercing and pounding at him. Noah, gasping and groaning, reached his hand up to hold the top of the stall door; the other encouraging each powerful movement by pressing on the small of Luke’s back; gripping him tighter and tighter. This was not love making. This was a pure need to possess… to own… to hold onto…a reaffirmation. The stubbornness they both possessed in spades. That same stubbornness that had forced them apart over and over again; was now the glue holding them together. They would not fail! They refused to fail! They refused to be parted ever again… Together they held a middle finger up to fate.

Noah pulled against Luke's grip; sucked in his breath with a faint “ah” as Luke pressed even deeper, pausing for just a second. Then quickly the movement went on, disregarding, on and on for minutes. As they both reached the precipice, seconds from toppling, they heard a voice call, “Luke? Noah? Lunch!”

“Shh…” Quivering, Luke froze, covering his hand over Noah’s mouth to silence his groans; pressing his own forehead firm into Noah’s shirt to fight back the sounds that wanted to erupt from his own lips. Noah’s short breaths were hot and heavy against the palm of his hand.

“Are you guys even in here?” They remained frozen, desperately fighting the natural urges bursting through them; threatening to give them away at any moment.

Finally they heard Faith’s crunching footsteps fading, but there was no need for any further movement, they groaned in unison; grunted into each other as they both released and rocked together.

***

The sun was just about to set when Holden entered the conservatory carrying two mugs.

“Mama made hot chocolate.” He lifted one of the mugs toward Noah as an invitation for him to take one.

“Thanks,” Noah smiled, gratefully cupping the warm mug between his cold fingers. He continued sitting on the bench; watching the last of the suns rays disappear behind the pond.

“She’s a wonderful woman!” Luke's father exclaimed.

“Yes. Yes, she is.”

“Can I join you?” He asked, indicating the space next to Noah.

“Please...”

“Luke’s bathing Ethan again I suppose?”

“Yes, Ethan seems to like that.”

“I didn’t really thank you properly you know… for what you did at Thanksgiving…”

“It was nothing.”

“Now Noah, I’m sure you know how untrue that is?” He patted Noah fondly a few times on his back; sighing with deep satisfaction. “It’s so great to have you back home, son.”

Noah really had to fight back the tears at those words. Ever since that terrible day, that awful moment when he first realized he'd lost Luke to Reid, it had become more and more difficult to rain in his emotions. Those feelings he was once expert at burying deep inside, now simply refused to stay there. He would find himself crying as the smallest of things. They sat in silence for a while.

Finally Holden spoke again, “You know, Luke? He’s a lousy listener. Always has been. He hears, but he doesn’t often listen, you know?”

Noah looked over at him with interest.

“And words! Boy, but that kid can talk for the woods!”

Noah couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at that.

“And he’s been known to let those words run away with him… I mean, he doesn’t always think before he speaks. He’s yet to learn that sometimes, the best thing to do or say in a situation, is absolutely nothing...”

“I know." Then, after a while, Noah asked, “Holden, why are you telling me this?”

“Because I want you to know that you shouldn’t be afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, Noah. You only end up paralyzing yourself because you don’t want to screw up, you know? So instead you do nothing. And what does that solve? But if you allow yourself to make those mistakes, you can learn from them. And yes… it can often be painful but… you know the saying… no pain, no gain. Do you get what I mean?”

“Yes. You’re basically telling me not to let your son walk all over me...”

“Basically!” They both laughed together before Holden said, “You two are made for each other. You’ll work it out. Just… when you talk to him... make sure he’s listening, okay? You both know what it means to lose each other.”

“Thanks Holden.” Noah marveled once again at the man so unlike his own father.

“You’re welcome.”

***

“Give it!” Luke giggled as he wrestled with Noah on the floor, trying to pry the remote control from his fingers.

Ethan roared with laughter at the sight of them; joined in to help his brother by grabbing the remote off Noah.

“Thanks for the support, kid!” Noah said to the smug boy, who stood just out of his reach, holding the prized remote in his little paws.

“Na, na!” the kid shouted before running off toward the kitchen.

“Great,” said Noah, “now we can’t watch either of the movies!” He pulled himself up off the floor to sit more comfortably on the sofa.

Luke’s stomach hurt from all the laughter as he said, “Fantastic! If I have to sit through one more of those antiquated zombie movies you like so much, I think I’ll have to…” he mimed hanging himself by cocking his head with his tongue hanging out; holding up the imaginary piece of rope.

“Anything’s better than The Notebook… Geez! Don’t get me started on all the faults with that movie!”

“Don’t you dare! It’s perfect!”

“Well,” replied Noah, “since we can’t watch a film, maybe I can give you your Christmas present?”

Luke’s head zapped around, “You already gave me my Christmas present…”

“Oh… I gave you _a_ present… but it wasn’t your _Christmas_ present!”

“Oooh! Give me, give me, give me!" Luke hopped up onto the sofa next to Noah like an excited puppy.

Smiling out the corner of his mouth, Noah took a small golden box out of his pocket. He held it out to Luke. Luke went for it, only to have Noah snatch it quickly out of his reach. “And what do we say?”

“Pleeeaase!” He said, mimicking the way Ethan would ask for something.

“Good boy!” Noah replied; handed Luke the box.

Luke eagerly removed the ribbon; opened the lid to be presented with a keychain; a tiny silver necktie that held several different silver keys. “Okay… You got me. What is it?”

“It’s your copy.”

Luke lifted one eyebrow.

“It’s your key to our new house.”

“House?” Luke asked, not sure whether he heard right...

“Yep! It’s about five miles from the beach; it has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one en suite, a huge kitchen, and a garage…”

Luke’s eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

“And it’s all ours…”

There was a moment of quiet as Luke was struck by the incredible commitment Noah was making for him, for them. Tears started to fall and Noah became concerned. “Luke, I know I’ve got all these issues… and… and we need to work through them. Oh God! It’s the wrong time, isn’t it? I blew it? Luke? Did I do the wrong thing?”

Luke took so long to answer, Noah began to regret his decision, but then, “No. No Noah… You did exactly the right thing. It’s the most incredible present I’ve ever had and God… I’m so in love with you, Noah! I love you so much! And I want nothing more than to have a future with you…”

Noah breathed deeply with relief, reveling in the sunshine radiating from his smile, “Same here.”


End file.
